When a tongue of flame is ignited, and Mr A. keeps pouring fuel on it, the flame not minding who ignited it, will keep growing more and more dangerous. As well if Mrs B. pours fuel on the same flame, the flame will become greater and more powerful that it can get out of hand which may destroy things that both Mr A. and Mrs B. shall regret.
If any of them applies extinguisher, the flame will be reduced or even stopped still not minding who ignited it and who is quenching it.
Application Of The Above:
When there is a misunderstanding/ conflict of any kind between you and someone, if the both of you fuels the conflict, it might get of hand and destroy things that two of you might regret later.
If one of you chooses to calm down (apologizes), the apology can extinguish the flame of the conflict to a reduced measure or be stopped entirely.
STEPS TO LEARN HOW TO APOLOGIZE
- Focus On The Person: Try to think of a time when someone apologizes to you and how good you feel about that. Why not make another person feel the same way? Even if you do not believe you were wrong, you can apologize for the hurt the person feels or for the unintended consequences of your actions and also to prove maturity.
- Focus On Your Relationship With The person: Do not view an apology as a defeat for you but as a victory for your relationship. After all, a person who remains offended is “… more unyielding than a fortified city”,- Proverbs 18:19. It is difficult if not impossible to restore peace in such a defensive atmosphere. On the other hand, when you apologize you prevent the offence from becoming a barrier. In essence, you put your relationship ahead of yourself.
- Be Quick To Apologize: True, apologizing may be difficult if you are not fully to be blamed. But the person’s faults do not excuse bad behaviour on your part. So do not hesitate to apologize, thinking that the passing of time will cover the offence.
You apologizing, can make it easier for the person to apologize too.
- Prove That You Mean It: Rationalizing your behaviour is not the same as apologizing for it. And perhaps saying with a tinge of sarcasm “I’m sorry that you are so sensitives about this” is not an apology at all. Accept responsibility for your actions and acknowledge the hurt the person feels, whether you believe that the hurt is warranted or not.
- Face Facts: Humbly accept that you can make mistakes because everyone does and no one is perfect. Even if you think you are blameless in a situation, recognize that your version of what happened is probably not the whole story. “The first to state his/ her case seems right until the other party comes and cross-examines him”- Proverbs 18:17.
You will be more apt to apologize if you have a realistic view of yourself and your shortcomings.